better left unsaid
by spritzee
Summary: Chris was the one looking at the wound. It was Chris that was caring for him this late at night. He looked over at his clock. It was almost three in the morning. Why was he still awake? [tw: self-harm]


Thomas knows that it shouldn't hurt so much. He was warned about this a long time ago. A Barian, huh? He slinks down into his bed, pulling the blankets up over his head. He figures that maybe he will die today. Maybe, by some miracle, he would just wind up dead. He couldn't deal with this- not now. This is it, he thinks. He thinks about how he could go about killing himself, but his thoughts get cut off by someone opening up the door to his room. He shifts a bit, hoping that the person would leave. He didn't want to be bothered with anyone right now, especially not his family. He wasn't in the mood for dealing with their sympathy, or lack thereof.

"IV."

It was Chris. It just _had to be_ him. Thomas shifts a bit more and finally sits up in the dark room, not being able to make out the expression on his brother's face due to the lighting from the hallway shining behind him. It was quiet for a moment, until Thomas let out a loud huff and slammed his fist down onto the bed. "What the fuck could you possibly want, V?" he is frustrated, anything but calm, and he knows that at any moment he's going to break. But why would Chris care anyway? He shouldn't. He doesn't know how it feels.

He doesn't know how it feels to have someone you care so much about turn out to be someone who is an enemy. He doesn't understand. There was no way that he could.

Chris stares at him for a moment, before sighing and walking away. "Sorry to disturb you." He shuts the door quietly, and that's when Thomas snaps. He reaches for the box cutter underneath his bed and places it to his wrist, so intent on giving up. Chris didn't care, he didn't care, _he didn't care_. Ha, but did Thomas even expect him to anymore? Chris had been hollow for so long that Thomas wasn't sure if he even knew _how_ to care.

His door opened again and Thomas snatched the blade back so fast that he accidentally cut himself this time. He squeezed his eyes shut, the pain causing them to tear up and begin falling. This wasn't how Thomas had intended for this to happen. He just hoped that it wasn't Mihael that happened to be standing right there at the door. He opened his eyes as he heard someone crawling onto his bed.

"Let me see," the voice demanded, the person reaching out and grabbing him by the arm. It was Chris. Of course it was Chris.

Wait...

Thomas's eyes widened in shock that Chris was the one that was holding his hand right now. _Chris_ was the one looking at the wound. It was _Chris_ that was caring for him this late at night. He looked over at his clock. It was almost three in the morning. Why was he still awake? And now that he could see his face because of the lighting from the angle that he was sitting at, why did his brother have those dark rings under his eyes. Why were they puffy? Had he been crying?

"This isn't necessary, you know," Thomas says quietly, his eyes on their hands. Chris takes a finger and wipes the blood away from the cut, but makes Thomas wince in the process. He doesn't say anything, but Thomas knows that Chris is feeling something right now. He's not sure of what, but he doesn't say anything right now.

"IV, it isn't bleeding badly, but I'm going to get some bandages. Don't move." Chris gets up off of the bed and walks into the bathroom. Thomas hates the commanding tone in his voice. He hates that Chris is acting like his mother. He doesn't know why, but he is curious about why his eyes are so puffy. Why did he come back into his room? Why did he seem to know what was going on?

_Because he's Chris. He's not an idiot,_ his mind tells him.

Chris winds up back in his room with bandages, as he said he would be. He shuts the door behind him this time and flicks the small lamp next to Thomas's bed on. He begins to nurse the wound, cleaning it, then wrapping it up, the basic procedure. When he's done, though, he doesn't let go of Thomas's hand. Thomas swallows, not sure if he's about to be in trouble or not. He's shocked when Chris turns to him, tears in his eyes.

"I don't want to lose you again, IV."

Thomas is frozen. He never expected to hear his brother say that. Sure, maybe Mihael would, but he would never expect for Chris to. Thomas shifts uncomfortably and then he finally speaks. "What's wrong V? Have you been crying?"

"Why is it your concern?"

It hurts. It hurts hearing those harsh words, Thomas realizes. But he can't give up now. He reaches over and pulls Chris down onto the bed and throws his box cutter into the floor. He wraps his arms around his older brother as tightly as he can and squeezes his eyes shut. He ignores the pain from the cut, because he wants for Chris to know that yes, he cares and no, he doesn't want to lose him either. Thomas is bad with words, especially with his family.

"What are you doing, IV?" Chris asks, genuinely surprised about his younger brother's actions. He figures that he could do the same, but it would be strange. He wraps his arms around Thomas, causing the younger brother to jump a bit. "I'm only holding you, too," he says, chuckling a bit.

Thomas looks up at him and smiles, just a small one, though. "You're awkward with this kind of thing." Thomas wants to call him a loser, because he is one, but that would start something that he really didn't have the strength for.

"And? You're not an expert either."

Thomas chuckles and shakes his head, "Yeah, whatever. I just... I worry about you, too, you know." Realizing how strange he sounded, Thomas fakes a cough. Chris just smiles and squeezes him tighter, burying his head into Thomas's wild hair.

"I worry too."

Thomas supposed that he should say something along the lines of "I love you," but he figured that things like that, for himself and his brother, were things that were better left unsaid. He could recover, and so could Chris. Even if his older brother wouldn't tell him what was so upsetting, he figured that it was alright, because at least he knew that he cared. He did have to admit that this was a pretty strange way of bonding with him, though.

"Yeah, I know." Thomas replies, burying his face into his brother's shirt. Soon, he had fallen asleep, and though Chris should have left, he didn't. He stayed right beside Thomas, holding him close, even after the younger brother had loosened his grip due to falling asleep.

Mihael would be in for a surprise when he came to wake them up the following morning.


End file.
